I think we’ve all had the experience of re-visiting our grade school as adults and finding those vast halls have become miniature, with tiny desks and tiny lockers in tiny rooms. Logically, we accept that the building has remained the same size, and our perception must have changed because we got BIGGER.

So, it comes as a surprise now that – as part of our shopping experience- places we’ve frequented for years are starting to look so much bigger. Okay, we all shrink a bit over the years, but not enough to account for a reverse effect of the child-to-adult growth spurt. Again applying logic, our perception must have changed because we got OLDER.It’s not only the sheer distance from the front doors of the supermarket or department store to where we need to go that’s overwhelming, it’s also the time it takes to get there. I need a shopping cart for stability, and on lucky days some slob has left theirs right where they’d parked so I can grab that instead of trudging precariously the distance from even a handicapped space to where carts are kept. If Gwynne, my wife goes on ahead of me, she has a good portion of the things on her list piled in her arms, ready to be dumped in my cart when I finally get in the store.

Pride prevents the use of those motorized carts offered by some stores. After all, I’m not really all that “physically challenged” and don’t want to appear a wimp. Plus, the speed on those machines is fixed so low, probably in hopes of preventing bodily injury or property damage, that even I can likely walk that fast……….and not always available.

I bought a fancy carved cane a few years back, thinking it would make me look cool and dapper, but Gwynne kind of discourages its use. Apparently, it serves another function as a tool with which to point at things, and I’ve whacked her a few times. If forced to put it away in the shopping cart, chances are pretty good that’s where it will stay when I leave.

I’d like to bring up the perverse arrangement of items in these stores. Reportedly, beau-coup bucks have been invested in marketing research to come up with their configurations so that every store across the country is arranged in exactly the same way. No one has asked my opinion…obviously.

All the Walgreens in our area have pharmacies located in the back corner farthest from the entry doors. Ostensibly, this is so the drive-up window is at the rear of the store and customers don’t have to deal with parking lot traffic to get there. But, is this really a conspiracy? 1) It encourages use of that window to keep sick and decrepit people from sullying the bright and happy appearance of the store. 2) If these people insist on coming inside, they will have to pass every type of crap these “drug stores” sell and possibly spend more money. Think about it: cosmetics are right inside the front door, but any medical products are lined up on the back wall.

I prefer Rite Aid, since they obviously cater to the geriatric crowd. The pharmacy is in the front, even providing seating for more than 2 people if they must wait. Close by is the section with scooters, walkers, braces for various body parts, potty booster seats, shower stools, etc. etc. There are no 6ft. tall shelves, and common products my generation now uses, such as eye drops, digestive aids, dietary supplements, or Ensure, are all readily accessible instead of shoved on a bottom shelf in the corner.

At the front of our Ridley’s supermarket – and also the liquor department, soda aisle, snack aisle, and several end-aisle displays – I can buy potato chips. But, staples like milk and eggs require a trek of approximately half a football field. That could be perception again – I haven’t actually measured it. Candy and frozen pizza rolls are up front in eye-level displays, but something slightly good for you will either be at floor level (if you can bend down that far, good luck getting up again) or on a top shelf accessible only to people of above-average height. Little old ladies using a motorized cart could possibly stand on the seat to get up that high, but you’d think the store would discourage that.

Ever buy beer or wine at Walmart? It’s similar to the Walgreens pharmacy scenario: as far as possible to the rear o their gigantic store so 1) you have to REALLY want it and be physically capable of making the long trip back there and 2) you have to pass a million other products en route. Just in case you used the door nearest groceries, they diabolically intersperse displays of non-edible crap in your way.

Gwynne always tries to drag me along on shopping trips under the theory that it’s good for me to get out of the house. If I manage to overcome the dread (having considered the “issues” previously mentioned) it generally works out…but eats up most of the day and invariably necessitates a nap.

At the age of 75, I’m having some hearing “issues.” It could be hereditary, since I recall my Dad not hearing well in his golden years – but I’ve long suspected that could have been a ruse so he could get away with ignoring my mother…or whoever. Nobody I’ve known with hearing aids has done anything but complain about them, no matter what price range they were in. We’d be sitting at the dinner table with my mother-in-law when hers would start emitting unearthly sounds and she’d pull them out to adjust them – not a particularly appetizing habit. Hence, they are not currently on my Wish List. This is in spite of all the wonderful offers I get by mail. By whatever manner I got on all these mailing lists, it’s obvious my age has put me in the target market for hearing aid sales. It’s apparently the same with funeral homes – but I digress.

Anyway…marital harmony in our household was enhanced by the purchase of one of those sound systems for watching TV. With headphones on, I can actually hear enough dialog to get the punch line without Gwynne complaining that the windows are rattling and the dogs taking refuge in another room.

Recently, it was a bit shocking to discover that Gwynne could recount the entire phone conversation I’d had with my cohort in Montana – while I was in the office and she was working in the garden outside. I, on the other hand, hadn’t seen or heard her working out there. It’s like she has super powers, so I really need to be careful what I say.

I’m early to bed and early to rise. I may not be all that healthy or wealthy, but I’m going to claim to be wise. We don’t have the same hours of operation, and Gwynne’s schedule is about 3 hours behind mine. With her seemingly freakish hearing abilities, I try for stealth when getting out of bed. Not to be indelicate, but since my age also necessitates numerous night-time bathroom trips, “practice makes perfect” and I can grip the doorways to negotiate that far in the dark. However, going any further in the dark makes falling on my face inevitable.

We were at the supermarket check out line when I added to the pile moving down the belt a really cool little LED flashlight. These work so much better than those big old-fashioned kind – which must be why they use them all the time on CSI. I had been checking them out online, so was all proud of myself for finding it a great price. Unfortunately, I got “The Look” from Gwynne… meaning an explanation for buying such a thing was going to be required.

On leaving the bathroom in the mornings, I had to turn on the hall lights to get to the office, where I turned on the ceiling light to get to the desk to turn on the desk lamp, then go to the kitchen and turn on the ceiling light to see well enough to turn on the coffeemaker…and then have to re-trace my steps to switch off the kitchen and office and hall lights before settling myself at the computer to wait for coffee to be ready.

Obviously, my new flashlight was going to be an immense energy -saver, both physical and electric. Besides, it was really cool and I wanted it – totally. Once on board with the concept, Gwynne suggested we devise a Velcro device to mount it on the brim of a baseball cap so I could whip that on my head in the morning and have both hands free. That could be fun, but it ain’t gonna to happen.

My 75th Christmas… At 7 AM Gwynne and I jumped out of bed from a long winters nap. Well we didn’t really jump, it was more like crawled out of bed. I got dressed in my cozy lounge pants..we use to call them pajamas.

I ran to the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot..OK, I didn’t run. I then settled in to my favorite recliner and turned on the TV to the Today Show. This move was extremely important because I learned the best way to return the gifts you receive and hate to the various stores and best way to cook your Christmas meal, what to wear when you go out, etc. I don’t know how I could make it through the day without the morning shows.

At 8 AM the phone rang..I said to myself “who could be calling at a time like this?” Surprise..it was my loving Daughter, Mollie. I wasn’t surprised that she called, but that she was actually up at 8 AM. Then I remembered it’s Christmas…We talked for a while and wished each other a Merry Christmas. I returned to the TV and was happy to learn that I did not miss the segment on how to cook cranberry sauce.

While I was relaxing, Gwynne let the horses out to the pasture, cleaned up the poops, fed the dogs and started our special Breakfast. Today instead of our usual oatmeal, we are having waffles. It was not special just because it was Christmas, but it was Sunday and we always have something unhealthy on Sunday. Once in a while we will go into town to the local cafe.

After breakfast and the Today show, I was exhausted from all that I had learned, I decided to watch a movie I had recorded “Pearl Harbour” made in 2001, with Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Alec Baldwin, Jon Voight, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Dan Aykroyd, Colm Feore, Mako, Tom Sizemore, Jaime King and Jennifer Garner.. It was OK but there was far too much dialogue and smooching. I just wanted to see the action stuff. While I was doing that, Gwynne cleaned the kitchen, brought the horses in and picked up some more poops.

The doorbell rang, it was the father of one of our neighbors who wanted to borrow a pan to cook his turkey in..really. On Friday we gave him a ride to town so he could pick up a prescription. The story is that he came here to visit his daughter and when he got here she borrowed his car to go visit someone else for Christmas so he was alone and without transportation.

After the movie Gwynne trimmed my hair and beard, then I took a shower. I do that every Christmas whether I need it or not. I had a snack of graham crackers and Diet Pepsi, went in to my computer, checked my emails and played FreeCell until about 3 PM. My emails notified me that my Granddaughters, Staci and Kristina posted ” Merry Christmas” on my Facebook wall. That was nice.

Time for a nap…I settled in with my current book “RAGE” by Jonathan Kellerman. It wasn’t long before the book ended up in my face and I was asleep. While I was sleeping, Gwynne let the horses out to the pasture, cleaned up the poops, fed the dogs and baked some stuff for dinner..

I don’t remember anything exciting happening after that except that Gwynne brought the horses in and picked up some more poops. It was time for dinner. We had Carne Adovada (A tribute to 25 glorious years in New Mexico), rolls and pumpkin pie made from carrots grown in the garden this summer. The pie is quite good and you would never know it was made with carrots. After dinner we watched a couple shows and I went to bed. Gwynne stayed and read her current book “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”.

The good news Is that next week we don’t have to take down the tree or decorations, because there was no tree or decorations . We don’t need to return any gifts to the stores, because we didn’t get any and we don’t need to watch the Today Show to find out what to do with the leftovers because there are no leftovers.

Well, by now you are convinced that I am the ultimate scrooge, but please consider that we spent 22 years in our flower shop, working 10 to 18 hours a day for 15 days in a row to help others celebrate their holiday.

To save the economy, on December 1, 2011, Congress will announce a new bill ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegal aliens) in order to lower the cost of Social Security and Medicare.

They said that old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home!

OK..it’s a JOKE, but the way things are going with this congress..nothing would surprise me.

Thanks to Sherri A. for this.

Most every day I try to get off my butt and take on some sort of exercise. In my case I either ride my stationary bike or just walk around our property. On this day in question I decided to challenge myself and walk down to the mailbox to pick up our mail. Round-trip from my house to the mailbox usually takes me about 20 minutes. For anybody else it probably would only take about half that time. I have included a photograph of me as I was dressed that day. Okay, I may look like a grouchy old man, however, am I really that scary looking? seriously? I was, of course, walking at my normal speed which might make me appear strange to a teenage boy, but that’s the best I can do.

As I was walking toward the mailbox I noticed a school bus had pulled up out on the highway. I did not know why because I had never seen the bus before. One of our neighbors does have a teenage boy, however I have never seen him. Well, the teenage boy did emerge from the bus. Please refer to the photograph below:

When I reached point A in the photographs I notice that the teenager began to walk off to the side of the road into an open field. I wondered where he was going. Then it became obvious that he was concerned of my presence on the road. I proceeded down the road toward the mailbox and the boy continued walking in the field by the road. When I got to a position which was even with the young man, I said “hi, how you doing” or something of that sort… however, the boy continued to hang his head and made no response. As I reached point B. I looked back and noticed that he had returned to the road and safely returned home.

In a perfect world, the young man would have taken the shortest path, passed me with a greeting or even asked if I were alright and did I need any help. I guess, in reality, we do not live in that world.

Let’s “Make Do” with Blue Tarps
Times are tough – especially for us old folks. No Social Security increases were forthcoming because some government fool decided there was no inflation going on. Guess he never shopped for groceries or filled his own gas tank. Anyway, necessity stimulates imagination, and the blue tarp has popped up in unexpected places, sometimes with less-than-successful results. This might be an Idaho phenomenon, but my guess is that it’s probably pretty widespread.

Idaho Car Covers at our neighbor's house	Idaho Car Cover a month after first wind storm
Idaho Sheep Barn at our neighbor to the east.	Idaho Horse Barn
Idaho Chicken Coops
Idaho Horse Blanket	Idaho Air Conditioner
Idaho Patio Room	Idaho Carport
Idaho Hot Tub or Spa	Idaho Pivacy Fence for the hot tub
Idaho Roof Repair	Idaho Cement Mixer
Idaho Deluxe Accommodations	Idaho Modern Art
Idaho Camper Storage Facility	Idaho Storm Window
Idaho Kayak	Idaho Surfing
Idaho Slippery Water Slide

This is not Macy’s, but they try hard in Middleton and everyone had a great time. Slideshow is viewed best if you click on Fullscreen.

• Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.  ~Mark Twain

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  ~Chili Davis

• Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.  ~Maurice Chevalier, New York Times, 9 October 1960

• There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age – I missed it coming and going.  ~J.B. Priestly

• The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven’t changed in seventy or eighty years.  Your body changes, but you don’t change at all.  And that, of course, causes great confusion.  ~Doris Lessing

• I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth’s gravitational pull has become since 1990.  ~Dave Barry

• First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.  ~Leo Rosenberg

• The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest.  You are always being asked to do more, and you are not yet decrepit enough to turn them down.  ~T.S. Eliot, quoted in Time, 23 October 1950

• Don’t worry about avoiding temptation – as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.  ~Author Unknown

• They say that age is all in your mind.  The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.  ~Author Unknown

• Like a lot of fellows around here, I have a furniture problem.  My chest has fallen into my drawers.  ~Billy Casper, about golf’s Senior Tour

• One of the best parts of growing older?  You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.  ~Liz Smith

• I don’t do alcohol anymore – I get the same effect just standing up fast.  ~Author Unknown

• Old age ain’t no place for sissies.  ~Bette Davis

• In dog years, I’m dead.  ~Author Unknown

• The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn’t have when you were young you no longer want.  ~L.S. McCandless

• Age is like the newest version of a software – it has a bunch of great new features but you lost all the cool features the original version had.  ~Carrie Latet

I ran across this ad in a local horse publication. Not sure I’m ready for it, but  is a unique idea. Below is a note from the builder:

“The purpose for our Glory Boxes is so you can have a bookshelf to use until you use it for a casket so unless you don’t have room for a bookshelf everybody can get one whether they are 40 or 90. It saves the family from having to make one more decision at that very stressful time.”

Neurologist Says Brain-teasers Can Also Help Aging Boomers’ Brains, but Social Interaction More Crucial.

My wife and I each have our own favorite Puzzles or game to keep our minds active. I do Free Cell and she is a Sudoku and Mahjonng addict.

See the CBS Video

By the way…I just broke my Free Cell record of 103 wins in a row. 113. After that my next 3 tries ended with 13..weird?